He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
