I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
