Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
