Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
