we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
