some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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