I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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