went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
