im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
