I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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