the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
