I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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