Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
accomplished twins. life is a go
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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