Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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