Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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