I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
