I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
