i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
