Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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