You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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