I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She is in my trunk
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The beer is more important than you right now.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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