just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
