90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
