Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
