We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
