Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
