I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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