you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
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just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
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I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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