A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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