you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
