I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
