Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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