I need help removing her.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
birth control should be required to get into college
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
