Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
