these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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