i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
