I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
