Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
