We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
