Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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