We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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