Porn is love you can see.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
