wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
