you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
