Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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