We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
