I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You are a genius and a whore.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
