what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
