I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
