is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
