I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
