My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
