I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
