You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
