So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
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