I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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