just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize