i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
