I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
