You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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