Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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