Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm having a debate with **** over whether or not he is gay... what's your verdict?
GAY or at the very least bisexual.
His "joking around" with all of his roommates is clearly as act. He needs to step back and reevaluate his sexual orientation.
Weird... you've rode him.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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