how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
