Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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