I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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