Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
