I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
