Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Randomize
