I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
