I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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