FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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