she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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