Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
