Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
